Don’t Be Such A Hate Witch

You know what, it would be kinda awesome to randomly high five an old guy.

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Something Awful Forum Asks: What Tripped El Hadji Diouf?

El Hadji Diouf is a football soccer sports playing guy, but thats not whats important right now.  What is important is this:

After removing the other player from the gif, a call goes out to Something Awful forums to answer the question ‘what tripped El Hadji Diouf?’. The forums responded magnificently.  Here are some of my favorites (and the users who made them) but be sure to check the forum for the rest:

Trochanter

HopWallace

Kieselguhr Kid

Dieting Hippo

Everdraed

origami manatee

Schweinhund

Why Qantas Never Crashes

Ever since the 1988 movie Rain Man, it’s been considered a truism that the airline never crashes.  While this is somewhat true (no Qantas passenger jet has ever had a fatal crash, but some of their early prop planes did), the airline came pretty close a few months ago when an engine on one of their Airbus A380 jumbo jets exploded.  After this happened, I found this joke about why Qantas never crashes and thought I’d share:

Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That’s what they’re for.

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you’re right.

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

And perhaps, the best Qantas joke…

Qantas Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

What Is Internet Anyway?

I love that they have to ask a guy off stage for a description of the Internet.  And Katie Couric totally predicted the Internet getting really big.

Have You Ever Had A $200 Cellphone Bill? You Will…

For the most part, AT&T was pretty dead on about a lot of the technological innovations since these ads were made in 1993.  However, my sentiments pretty much line up exactly with commenter nutellaontoast: ‘It’s amazing that the only prediction they got wrong is who was going to bring it to us…’

In The 70s…

People had cooler hair and PBS stations used better music.

(Via Boing Boing)

IT’S A MIRACLE

I found another HILARIOUS cat video on the INTERNET!